crossroads

Sometimes some of life's situations or decisions are like taking cough medicine. You don't have to take cough medicine if you don't want to, but you know that it will make you get better. Sometimes in life there are things that we should do to help us get better, to help us heal from prvious failures or emotional pain that we've so neatly bearied deep inside ourselves. When I was prepaing my testimony for getting baptised a few years ago I went through a process like that. I though that it would be the hardest to put my grade twelve year and storries of depression down on paper, but I was wrong. It was my jr. high experience that was so difficult to relive and remember. I remeber that trying for about an hour to get that part written out. I had to stop several times because my eyes were blurry from crying. I think at that time there was still a piece of me that had let go of those angry feelings of bitterness to my peers who made life hard for me, but by going through that painful process of remembering it I think I was able to put it behind me and heal a bit more. I didn't have to do this but I chose to. I didn't 'realize I still needed to heal, but the whole painful process showed me that I did. I think I'm kinda at a similar crossraod in my life now. I'm faced with a decison to make, knowing that I could take the hard, and possibly painful road and get some healing that I know I need, or to just sit back and do nothing and bury the pain deeper inside me untill I burst. I want to heal, but I don't want to take the hard road. I'm stubborn so if I start down that road I know I can't quit, that might be worse than not even starting. So here goes nothing, hard road here I come.
Audrey